Gotta Hate the Heat

We Americans love our enemies.

We need someone (or something) that generates a requisite level of dislike and disgust so that we will root hard for the "right" side. In fact, when we are contemplating (or in) war, the government and media will fan the propaganda flames to make sure that the enemy is depicted as appropriately evil...often with good reason and with success.

We want a symbol that represents evil, something to focus our hatred upon. Usually, we get an appropriately horrible person that obliges.TIME magazine marks the disposal of such infamous arch enemies as Hitler, Hussein, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, and now, Bin Laden with copy-less "X'd"-out covers. And since Osama is now trolling the North Arabian Sea, we'll need, and likely find, someone to take his place.

Sayonara suckas!

On a much less wicked and serious level, we sports fans love to root against our anti-heroes. We need teams and personalities to play the role of villains to stoke interest: the Russian Olympic hockey team vs. the good ol' US of A, the Miami Hurricanes vs. Penn State, Apollo Creed vs. Rocky, Capone vs. Kevin Costner, Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump (pick a side)...you get the idea.

You freakin' kiddin' me?

Who, but Detroit fans, could have cheered for the "Bad Boys?" Bill Laimbeer? C'mon...the guy would foul an opponent while he was still in a huddle and then give the ref that incredulous/dismissive look/laugh as if to say, "Me? Not me! You must be joking! Hah!"

Before the Oakland Raiders hit such a consistent level of incompetence, they took pride in providing a halfway house for the NFL's druggies, malcontents, and wife beaters. Part of their schtick was to gouge opponents eyes when refs had turned the other way, fumble forward to score winning touchdowns, and avoid personal hygiene for three days prior to Sunday; hell, even their fans would intimidate Mean Joe Greene.

For most baseball fans, their definition of evil is the New York Yankees. It's not that their roster is filled with hateful players...Mariano Rivera, Derek Jeter, and Jorge Posada smile, help sick kids, and respect the sport. It's just that the Yankees don't seem to play by the same rules that pertain to most other teams. They can throw as much money as is necessary to fix a problem. If you are a fan for a mid-market team, they are that bully lurking down the street ready to whisk away your best player with a fistful of cash and pinstriped promises.

You like us, you really like us...

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Miami Heat.

They are the NBA's version of the Duke Blue Devils...except that they have less white guys, no real basketball tradition, and an unknown coach...quick, name the Heat's head coach...ten seconds...five...gotcha!

It isn't that they are a collection of miscreants or truly bad guys...I am sure that Chris Bosh, Lebron James, and Dwyane Wade bought a card or a car for their moms last week. Wade seems likable in those T-Mobile commercials and I suspect LeBron lets his entourage swim in his pool and keeps them outfitted in an appropriate and tasteful amount of bling. Still, I cannot imagine anyone north of the Everglades rooting for these guys.

For most fans, this Heat trio represents all that is wrong with pro sports and free agency: greediness and disloyalty. And what about the photo above after they had signed last summer? What is it, exactly, that they are celebrating? They're excited about the possibility of success, not actual success. These sunbaked fans ate it up...hmmm, a bit premature and overconfident? We shall see...

Ironically, one could point out (to anyone but a Cleveland fan, I suggest) that they did exercise a very American right: their freedom of choice; but sports fans want their players faithful and patient. LeBron's legions had to suffer through many lean years, by God, and now that it is time to reap the rewards of all that hard work, careful drafting, and some "dues paying"...he sure as hell better not abandon us now when the gettin' is good!

So when James gave his heartfelt "takin' my talents to South Beach" speech to a rapt national audience, a villain was born.

I suspect that over the next couple of weeks, most basketball fans will buy into rooting for the Bulls (or certainly against the Heat) given that Chicago has the appropriate positive "ying" opposite the negative "yang" of these three vagabonds. (NOTE: I have conveniently ignored, for purposes of this column, that the Bulls did court Mr. James during last summer's LeBronapalooza, "Naaahhh...we didn't want him anyway!")

I owe it all to Momma....

Our star, Derrick Rose, is humble and home grown. The league called his press conference to announce his MVP and in his speech, he spent the entire time thanking his mother, teammates, coach, trainer, family, and anyone else that had touched his life.

A Derrick Rose interview is about as exciting as a trip to the paint store. But then he steps on the court and zzzziiipp...he scoots by his opponent faster than an aggressive groupie and finds some way to bank in a shot while landing butt first into a sea of photographers, emerging with a smile and a shrug.

So, count me in on a couple weeks (or a month) of Hatin' on the Heat. I'll take Rose and the rest of his Bulls against the evil southern empire.Who's with me?