A Modest Proposal for the NCAA - Let's Get a Little "Student" in our Athletes

Big-time college sports, especially basketball, continues to make headlines weeks following UCONN's national championship as recent allegations of alleged point shaving involving San Diego have been reported.

Nice tats

Add this to the accelerated departure of Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl (who lied to NCAA officials about a recruit's visit) with Ohio State's "Toys for Tats" football controversy in which several prominent players traded Buckeye paraphernalia for must-have tattoos...and the integrity of "amateur" college sports takes yet another blow. Head coach Jim Tressel currently finds himself in hot water because he may have also withheld his knowledge of his players' "fund raising" efforts.

In addition, word surfaces that UCONN's Kemba Walker (the MOP in the Final Four) just finished his first book: William C. Rhoden's Forty Million Dollar Slaves: The Rise, Fall, and Redemption of the Black Athlete. Walker told Sports Illustrated, "That's true," he said. "You can write that. It is the first book I've ever read." Kemba is a junior.

Cover-to-cover BABY!

So, congrats to Kemba for clearing that personal hurdle after only three years of higher education and to all the UCONN grads: nice degree you have there.

If the NCAA expects us to take this idea of "student athlete" somewhat seriously, continues to allow the one-and-done player in basketball, and isn't willing to pursue/enforce a minimum requirement of three years of school before opting for the pros (as in college baseball and football), then I suggest it enlist the help of a group that can enforce a consistent minimum level of academic performance. My vote? The "National Organization Legitimizing & Legalizing Educational Degrees for Graduating Exam:" NOLLEDGE.

All players would be expected to pass a standardized NOLLEDGE test in order to earn eligibility for the NCAA tournament. And before John Thompson screams that my standardized test idea is racist and unfair, I suggest that this also be written in a verbiage that speaks to the college basketball player. And no, not some Jim Harrick, Jr. lay-up, Basketball 101 exam (Questions 5: How many halves are in a college basketball game? or Question 18: How many fouls is a player allowed to have in one basketball game before fouling out in that game?); this one would be legit.

Uhh...I was told there would be pictures

How? Here are just of few sample questions...

Finance Section
A FedEx package arrives at your door one afternoon. You suspect it is yet another recruiting letter, but much to your surprise, you open it to find eight $1000 bills, six $100 dollar bills, and twelve $20 bills. You don't know what to do, so you show it to your high school coach. Upon your return, you discover that there is now $8000 in the envelope.

The envelope please...

Quantitative:
*How much was in the envelope when you first opened it?
*Is that the same amount as when you left your high school coach's office?
*If these amounts are different, by how much?
*Is that still enough for you to commit?

Qualitative:
*Who do you suspect to be the scumbag who took your money?
*Do you think it is wrong to accept money from a school that will likely exploit your success and parlay your skills into hundreds of thousands of dollars in profit from ticket sales, licensing, and various basketball-related events?

Math & Ethics Section
You read in the paper that your team, STATE College, is expected to beat your smaller, in-state rival Northwest Tech by 18 points in the game tonight. Prior to the game, you are approached by a well dressed man who offers you $5000 to make sure that your team does not win by more than 18 points.

There are five seconds left in the game and the score is STATE 87 and Tech 70 and you have just been fouled. You are at the line for a one and one. What do you do?

*Try to make both free throws and if you don't, that's OK...you will collect $5k for the honest miss
*Miss the first and collect the $5k that is rightfully yours...hey we won, didn't we?
*Make them both; $5k ain't enough to get my attention
*This is a trick questions. It doesn't matter whether I make them or miss them, we are ahead by 27

Math & Deductive Reasoning Section
Your team just won its Division I regional and is now set to play in the Final Four. Your coach has been to the Final Four on two other occasions, but with two different universities. In both of these prior cases, however, his schools were forced to "vacate" these appearances when it surfaced that certain players accepted cash and/or had someone else take entrance exams in order to qualify for admittance.

*He has been to three Final Fours, end of discussion
*He has taken one "official" team to the Final Four, but these other two should count; they really should
*There is no way that a governing body like the NCAA would let a guy like this continue to coach, he obviously gained success through illegal means. He would be lucky to have a coaching job at Northwest Tech.

Logic & Reasoning Section
Last night, you scored 22 points, grabbed 13 rebounds, dished out 10 assists, and managed to sell all 10 of your tickets for a nice profit.

Quantitative:
Is this considered a triple double or a quadruple double?

Qualitative:
What is a fair markup over face value for a mid-season, weekend game against a top-tier opponent?

Extra Credit: Statistics
Your team made 19 of 55 total shots; hit one 3-pointer, and made 14 of 16 free throws. Your opponent made 12 of 64 shots (no really, they did) and scored a total of 41 points.

*Did either team win?
*What was the final score?
*What was your opponent's shooting percentage? (You may use a calculator) If unclear as to exact shooting percentage, make an educated guess (Hint: it is a pretty low number; additional hint: the percentage is greater than 18% and less than 20%)

Extra Credit: English
*What is the best book you have ever read, listened to, or have had read to you?
*If you cannot recall, what do you think would be the best book you would like to read once you had the time?
*If you still don't know, what is the best movie you have seen that you are pretty sure was based upon a book?

Extra Extra Credit
What is the difference between quantitative and qualitative?

At least it's multiple choice

This test was completed by:


__Me
__My agent
__My tutor
__My lawyer has advised me not to say
__I am not certain who took this test


ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. NOLLEDGE IS POWER, INC.


C'mon NCAA, police the sports you supposedly oversee with some semblance of consistency. I believe that most fans, athletes, and fellow students carry a deep level of cynicism when it comes to college sports. Why?  A consistent level of hypocrisy.

PUNISH those who break the rules. Coaches who get suspended or cheat to get a recruit or have championships vacated should have additional constraints imposed upon them to continue to recruit and coach. You earned that burden of proof...you cheated, so no, I don't trust you. Universities that knowingly violate the rules should pay fines, lose scholarships, and forfeit TV exposure. And what about the players? They know what they are doing...they need to share the blame as well. They aren't completely innocent.

REWARD those schools, coaches, and players who follow the rules. Impose less constraints and give them more freedom to practice and play. Give them an incentive to excel in the classroom. You are a basketball player with a 3.2 and a flawless attendance record? Hey, practice all you want. Have at it.

DON'T create rules just for the lowest common denominator. BE CONSISTENT and treat violations (and violators) accordingly...no matter how big the school or how storied the program.

That's it for now.