Draft, Draft Fever

 

Less than 48 hours and counting ...NFL Draft 2011!!!! Can you stand it?


Well I think I can. I have come to the conclusion that there are two types of sports fans in this world...those who get totally stoked (super excited) before, during, and after the NFL draft and those who do not.


I find myself in the latter group. I really don't care who's on the clock, or that Ryan Mallett's stock is falling faster than Kodak's, or that Cam Newton can FINALLY get paid for playing football. 


Honestly, I believe I can wait until Friday to find out who the Bears picked. Am I a bad or inadequate fan? Gosh, I hope not. However, there are quite a few who fall into this special category of fan that I would refer to as "Draft Addicts" or DA's. 


Just listen to local sports radio as the big day approaches and the DA's are out there, "Yeah, hey der Tom, 'dis is Frank from Berwyn, first-time caller here...do you tink we should go after this tight end out of Utah in round tree or dat wide receiver from A&M? Maybe we should trade up this year and go after that offensive lineman from McNeese State. I know what Coach Ditka would do, by da way...I'll hang up and listen to your response in my car. Tanks for taking the call and oh, Go Bayrs." 

Gotta Support Your Team

He'll likely be at a local tavern with beer in hand and Uhrlacher jersey on back. He twitter, text, blog, call, and guess along with the experts...and yes, this occasion may call for face paint.


He's had these D-Days (Draft Days) marked on his calendar...the culmination of yet another research-packed April, "DUDE, are you freakin' kidding me? I'm watching all eight epic hours! I'm calling in sick and going to the draft!" He bought and poured over Mel Kiper's "Draft Guide 2011" ($12.95) and has his own list compiled.

The Book of Mel

And this year, Bud Light plans to reward his hard work and draft intuition. It is offering $10 million for anyone who can predict the first 32 picks in order. (Someone does that, Obama ought to get rid of Biden and appoint this cat as VP...seriously.)


Your regular fan might look at the massive time block set aside for this event and ask, "Why would I watch more than 10 minutes of THAT?"


You have to hand it to the NFL and ESPN; because they have managed to attract more and more folks each year to watch "THAT." They have created a must-see, super-hyped, marketed-out-the-wazoo TV event out of programming that, on the surface, would appear to carry the same level of excitement as watching slovenly guys play cards for three hours plus. Who would watch THAT?  

I Know I Am Right

OK, well, bad example...but, last year, more people watched the NFL draft than watched the two combined NBA games on that same evening. I am not much of an NBA fan, but...wow, hard to believe. 


Certainly, the draft does recognize a culmination of years and years of hard work; truly a pivotal moment for a select group of young men. But the pre- and instant analysis is everywhere, I swear, when I was scanning the cable listings the other night I ran across: "The Next Tom Brady...Who Has the Hair to Cut It?" and "America's Deadliest Punters: Coffin Corner Assassins." Doesn't that seem like overkill to you?


How did all of this happen and why? What is the appeal?


Well, I think that the draft plays on a basic human emotion, that of HOPE. Carolina Panther fans see HOPE in the form of Cam Newton, long-suffering Cleveland Brown fans HOPE that they uncover another Tom Brady with their 199th pick, and Detroit Lions fans HOPE that the ghost of Matt Millen is long gone.


As for the TV guys...the beauty of being a commentator on one of this shows is, NO ONE IS EVER WRONG. I wish someone would come back at these guys four or five years later to provide legitimate analysis of the success/failure of the picks. They grade the teams and talk as if they have some divine way of seeing into the future. 


They don't, but what if there was someone who could? Wouldn't it be great if we could summon Carnac the Magnificent to announce/analyze the picks? Trade him for Mel Kiper and then you got something...

Imagine if Carnac had announced these epic selections...


"The answer is: Keith Richards...Name one guy more juiced than the Packers' first round pick, Tony Mandarich."

"Dr. Strangelove...Who has a wilder arm than Oakland's first overall pick, JaMarcus Russell's? 

"BOOOOO!!!!," explodes a section of Raider fans.

"May your girlfriend win an Al Davis look-a-like contest!"

"Bacardi, 2+2=4, and Ryan Leaf...Name a rum, a sum, and a future bum."

NFL Commissioner, "Carnac I hold in my hand the last envelope!"

"Yeahhh!!," roars the crowd.

"May your daughter get asked to go dutch with Pacman Jones."

"Leaving Las Vegas"...What do the Indianapolis Colts hope Art Schlichter is doing right now? 

...now, I'd watch a few hours of that.